I am training for the Denver Marathon in October. When Aiden was born, I gave up the hardcore training, got a bit out of shape, came back too fast, got injured, discouraged, then decided to get back after it.
Coming back after the injury has been a journey. I went to a PT, Marty Euwema, who had me stand in front of a mirror, looked at my legs and said, "Well, I see the problem." I had hurt my soleus, overcompensated on my right leg, weakened the left quad, then my left knee drifted out of alignment. Simple. Strengthen left quad, bring knee cap back into track. The best thing was when I told her I had stopped running. Marty said "Why the hell did you do that? Get out there!" I was scared I would permanently damage my leg, but trusted her enough to get back out on the trail and things have improved.
Today was an 11 mile run around Lake Zorinksy here in west Omaha. We start from Lifetime Fitness and go around the who lake then tack on a mile or two at the end to round it out. It was hot, humid, damp, broiling, and just plain tough going. This has been quite a change from the Colorado dry heat. In some ways harder, in some ways easier.
There are always a few of us that start together, then we fall into smaller groups according to pace. Sandy and I are about the same on long distance, so we normally run together. Today went out too fast, probably around 8/mile, and we paid for it dearly on the second leg. We were chatting for the first few miles, but became dead quiet and focused on the last portion of the run because there seemed to be no oxygen left around the lake.
It was hard, but good. Always good, no matter how hard. I've found that the easy experiences in my life are not the most valuable. It is in the difficult, challenging experiences that we are refined in a way that, for me, is more rewarding.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Running and Repentance
I was out running this morning and it occurred to me that earlier this week I let my shadow-self prevent me from seeing things as they really are.
It was raining and I was in a wooded part of the trail. I could smell fresh pine needles and wild grass, and a mist was coming off the lake. There was no one else on the trail and I was having one of those runs where everything was coming together. No pains or aches. No hamburger hangover. Beautiful.
I reflected on what I wrote in the last entry and it occurred to me that if the worst thing that happens to me during the day is that I have to do some paperwork, I am coming out way ahead of most of the people in the world. The shadow-self keeps me focused on myself. This ego-centric part of my self is focused on my needs and my comfort. The shadow-self invites me to complain about having to do paperwork when most of the world would be grateful to have a job that provides the quality of life mine does.
Remember when our parents used to tell us to eat all the food on our plates because there were starving children in China? Guess what; there really are starving children in China. There are starving children in North Korea, India, Indonesia, and the United States. Our parents, as usual, knew what they were talking about and were trying to instill gratitude in us. For me, this is a lesson I must constantly learn; to be grateful for what I have. I am able to put food on the family table, a roof over our heads and provide health insurance all because of my job.
While running I realized I have a body with all its limbs that allows me to do something I enjoy. There are men and women coming back from the wars missing arms, legs, eyes, or suffering from traumatic brain injury and PTSD. They are no longer able to do the things I take so easily for granted. They are broken in ways I will never understand.
The shadow-self is a flat-out narcissist.
I decided I needed to repent. Some people who don't have much use for religion may hear that word and connect it directly to the guilt and shame that many strains of Christianity cultivate in order to keep people in line. This is a false Gospel. Have no fear. Repentance is not about crawling on our hands and knees over broken glass.
In the New Testament, the Greek word μετάνοια/metanoia is a compound phrase that means something along the lines of "to think differently after." On reflecting about what I said related in the previous note about work that drains me, I realized I needed to repent, or think differently about it.
While running in that beautiful setting, the fog lifted and I became aware of a desire to have a change of mind and a change of heart. It was not a sense that I was a jerk and needed to get my act together. It was a desire to become more human.
Thinking about others allows whose life circumstances are far more challenging than mine compels the compassionate part of my heart to over-ride the narcissistic part. Praying for those in need allows me "think differently" about the world and my place in it. In these moments I am even able to embrace the shadow-self and acknowledge the fact that this part of myself is wounded and needing of love and grace.
Thinking differently about my situation allows me to get beyond my own ego and find creative ways to help those in need. Thinking differently invites me to a space where the world becomes more clear, wonderful, and full of opportunities to give myself to others in an authentic way.
It was raining and I was in a wooded part of the trail. I could smell fresh pine needles and wild grass, and a mist was coming off the lake. There was no one else on the trail and I was having one of those runs where everything was coming together. No pains or aches. No hamburger hangover. Beautiful.
I reflected on what I wrote in the last entry and it occurred to me that if the worst thing that happens to me during the day is that I have to do some paperwork, I am coming out way ahead of most of the people in the world. The shadow-self keeps me focused on myself. This ego-centric part of my self is focused on my needs and my comfort. The shadow-self invites me to complain about having to do paperwork when most of the world would be grateful to have a job that provides the quality of life mine does.
Remember when our parents used to tell us to eat all the food on our plates because there were starving children in China? Guess what; there really are starving children in China. There are starving children in North Korea, India, Indonesia, and the United States. Our parents, as usual, knew what they were talking about and were trying to instill gratitude in us. For me, this is a lesson I must constantly learn; to be grateful for what I have. I am able to put food on the family table, a roof over our heads and provide health insurance all because of my job.
While running I realized I have a body with all its limbs that allows me to do something I enjoy. There are men and women coming back from the wars missing arms, legs, eyes, or suffering from traumatic brain injury and PTSD. They are no longer able to do the things I take so easily for granted. They are broken in ways I will never understand.
The shadow-self is a flat-out narcissist.
I decided I needed to repent. Some people who don't have much use for religion may hear that word and connect it directly to the guilt and shame that many strains of Christianity cultivate in order to keep people in line. This is a false Gospel. Have no fear. Repentance is not about crawling on our hands and knees over broken glass.
In the New Testament, the Greek word μετάνοια/metanoia is a compound phrase that means something along the lines of "to think differently after." On reflecting about what I said related in the previous note about work that drains me, I realized I needed to repent, or think differently about it.
While running in that beautiful setting, the fog lifted and I became aware of a desire to have a change of mind and a change of heart. It was not a sense that I was a jerk and needed to get my act together. It was a desire to become more human.
Thinking about others allows whose life circumstances are far more challenging than mine compels the compassionate part of my heart to over-ride the narcissistic part. Praying for those in need allows me "think differently" about the world and my place in it. In these moments I am even able to embrace the shadow-self and acknowledge the fact that this part of myself is wounded and needing of love and grace.
Thinking differently about my situation allows me to get beyond my own ego and find creative ways to help those in need. Thinking differently invites me to a space where the world becomes more clear, wonderful, and full of opportunities to give myself to others in an authentic way.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)